Challenging Catastrophizing

Today I did a thought challenge of my catastrophizing thought "I will never lose weight and I will always hate myself and I will become "one of the really big ones." (something my late Aunt, bless her, said to me once, which became, essentially, a curse). It was good, emotional, hard work. what it came down to in the end is that the only solution is the dialectic, that I need to both desire change, for my health AND accept and love now, as is, for my sanity. This is going to take some massive Radical Acceptance. This is my body. This, here. This is me. My thighs, my belly right here, now in this moment. This here needs love and acceptance, somehow, even if I never lose another oz, because to go on hating myself is honestly untenable. I want to have more stamina. I want to see myself out of the corner of my eye in a shop window and not cringe. this can happen! There's proof! I know how! Eat less, move more! I made a plan for exercising. and I know it'll be better if I'm doing the right things because I am loving and cherishing rather than hating and punishing. so I need to keep working on Lovingkindness, self-compassion, all that kind of goodness. Valuing beyond my body, and valuing my body for what it is. this is a pretty good body. It gets me around pretty good, we can work on that. it digests things well, my heart beats regularly, I am a breath master. I made a BABY for heaven's sake. That's kind of impressive. so, anyhow. That's my corporeal thoughts of the day.