Hello, Beautiful

“Hello Beautiful.” it’s what Nathan says to me every time he gets home from work. When we wake up, it’s “Good Morning Beautiful” and when we go to bed it’s “Goodnight, Beautiful.”

Without any hint of sarcasm.

I have never considered myself to be Beautiful. I have never considered myself to be passingly attractive, cute, or adorable. I’m a big girl. There’s no denying it. I have a big body and a big face on a big neck. I wear big clothes. And I’m not the kind of big of which you might say “oh, but you’d be so pretty if you lost a few pounds.” (which is a rude thing to say) No, I’m big and plain.

And yet… who am I to argue with Nathan’s assertations? In his eyes I am Beautiful. What a thing. Honestly. Is he wrong? Does he need new glasses, as I’ve often said to him? No. Perception is individual. In his eyes I am Beautiful. Nathan is right most of the time. Why doubt him on this?

And also. I am tired of being obsessed with my weight. It messes up my head and has for my whole life. I’m a Big Girl. I will always be a Big Girl. A few years ago I starved myself down to actually be in my “healthy BMI” range (according the experts). I was miserable. And I was still not beautiful (except to Nathan). But I gained it all back and then some. My body wants to be big. I have a closet full of lovely clothes that fit me now. I just got a new pair of jeans that are so comfortable and hug my curves just so. Curves that Nathan says are Beautiful. And honestly, who else matters? I’m basically healthy. I could get stronger, and have better stamina, but that’s just a matter of moving more. The point is I can do that, my legs work just fine and so do my arms. My faithful heart lub dubs and my lungs expand and contract. I have been blessed not to have big health concerns. Yes, I have had surgery on my back, but that’s just architecture.

So, anyhow. That’s it. I have decided to make peace with it all. Peace with my big body, my big face, and my big neck. I want to be able to wear these amazing Lee jeans for years. When I want to feel feminine I will wear my long skirts, and who cares about my ankles, or whether or not long skirts are in. I love them. I refuse to wear anything uncomfortable anymore. I will eat the healthy food I love and I will eat cake sometimes. Why?

Because Nathan calls me Beautiful. And I trust him.

you’ve got it baby

the e ticket

the park hopper

the full access pass

merry-go

round my hips

roller coast

er my thighs

carou

sel my heart

bump

er car

my bumper

strap on the safe

ty belt

pull down the bar

hold on

i’m your theme park

baby

come and ride