The Ballad of Bean-Boy

1.       The sale

“Beans beans

They ain’t what they seems

Made of your dreams

are these magic beans.”

Said the mysterious old lady

who rode into town sidesaddle

on a donkey green as grass.

The widow,

trembling with longings

approached.

The old woman sold her a bean

for the cost of her long fair hair.

“Beans, beans,

plant ‘em deep

water ‘em with your tears

then go to sleep

under a slice of new moon.”

(The widow wept

At the loss of her hair,

Just one tear.)

She bore the bean home

with tenderest of care.

2.       The Harvest

At the next new moon

(which came quite soon)

the widow planted the bean.

She planted it deep

and watered it with her tears of longing.

She slept with her deepest wish

foremost in her shaved head

and over the days and weeks

the bean began to grow,

soon a husband appeared on the vine

she waited until he was

big and ripe

then harvested him

with a kitchen knife.

3.       The Consummation

He embraced her.

And that night, they had a night

Of shuddering passion!

The widow cried out!

Once!

Twice!

And Thrice!

Ahhh—the bliss of the vine!

They entwined

Ripe and succulent

He planted her deep

In her aching, longing womb

The baby grew

Larger and larger

And when it was ripe

The widow

(Widow no more!)

Harvested it with

The kitchen knife

A bonny lad

Pink and fat

With hair of bean-vine green

(Soon, the husband began

To go brown and mushy

She buried him in the garden

Under the vegetables)

The boy grew

As boys do

And he excelled

At every task

He was bonny and fair

With his bean-green hair

And every town lass

sighed after him.

“I’m off.”

He told his mother

(widow once more)

“To see the world.”

She kissed him

and wept

for all her dreams were leaving her.

4.       The Bean-Boy Goes Forth

Handsome of face and green of hair

Bean-Boy strode out to see

Mountains, streams, lakes, and scenes

He set out on a boat one day

To see the verging sea

He took to rigging, a sight so fine

They said he was like a clinging vine

And hired him on immediately.

Bean-Boy sailed far

Bean-Boy sailed wide

Across the seas so fair

(and oh how the sea wind tousled his bean-green hair!)

He sang the sea shanties

And collected panties

From girls in every port

                (You know the sort)

He was so happy upon the sea,

But he missed his mother dear

So home he strode

Through wind and cold

Just to find his old mother had died!

5.       The funeral

He buried her beneath the vines

close to his father

Who he really hadn’t known.

The mysterious old woman

With her donkey green as grass

Came into town to pay her respects.

(After the funeral she cut the boy down

          And made La soupe aux pois

For the whole town)

The End